Sunday, August 14, 2005

Day Eight: A Deadbeat Crisis of Faith

I'm having a minor (or maybe major) crisis of deadbeat faith. Well, more accurately a little, tiny,, panic attack? I guess that's the right word. About money. As in, I don't have any (well, none coming in reliably) and I have one last big debt hanging over my head. I owe my landlord a fair sum of money, to be paid up by the time I leave. I can maybe squeeze a few extra days out of him, but still. I gotta pay it up. And I gotta, you know, eat, and live and such before I move out, and I have to figure out storage and yeah, right now, this whole deadbeat lifestyle choice is feeling a little reckless, a little foolhardy and, um, bad. Who the hell wants to have a panic attack at 9:30 a.m. on a Sunday? No one, that's who. Least of all, a professed deadbeat. Listen, I do trust in the universe and all of that (I dabble in zen-ness), and I know that it all comes out in the wash and all of that, but still. RIght now, I'm just trying to figure out how this is going to work out. And it don't look good. Or more to the point, it don't feel good.

But what are my options? This is the true downside of the deadbeat lifestyle choice: this lack of control. I think I just have to ride this out. This is all part of the experiment, I guess.

Sorry to freak out on y'all (my multitudes of readers). Just needed to vent a little.


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